Falling out of love

This is my theory: when you really love someone and you give them your all, if for whatever reason you have to stop loving them - be it divorce, or they break your heart, or whatever - a part of you has left you forever. A part of you remains with the person you loved and cannot be retrieved again. As a result you're never the same person again. I've seen this first hand with people so if this sounds soppy or "romantic" (it probably sounds a bit depressing actually) then I welcome alternative theories. What happens when you fall out of love?

"He's not romantic enough..."

I've heard this myself and I know a lot of wives would say this about their husbands. But what does being romantic mean? Being showered with jewellery, perfumes and other gifts? Chocolates and flowers? Scented candles? Walks along the beach? Being serenaded? I think many sisters equate the concept of romance with all or most of the above hence the complaint "he's not romantic enough". Or, some of us may be OK with him not doing the above and not being "romantic" because we too are not "romantic".

I think romance is necessary is a marriage. But I would definitely not equate the above examples with romance, otherwise let's face it, we're doomed to a marriage full of misery and disappointment or at least ungratefulness to our husband because we simply do not recognise he is romantic in his own way. For a lot of men it's difficult to express mushy emotions and gestures typically "romantic" (like the examples above) will be even more difficult to do to express their feelings because it won't come naturally to them. Now I love chocolate. And candles. Flowers are OK but I'm not too fussed about them. And hey, who doesn't like gifts in general? But I don't like them because I'm "romantic", I just like them! Some sisters don't like chocolate (it's true, weird sure but true) and would prefer fresh fruit. Hence it would be a more romantic gesture if their husband bought them fresh blueberries instead.

My point is romance isn't restricted to these material things. To me romantic is thinking of your wife/husbands needs and desires, and striving to make them happy. It's anything that shows you love them and care for them. "Romantic" is a husband agreeing to move to another city because his wife wants to complete her degree in a good university there. "Romantic" is a wife saying to her husband who is suffering from a bad fever "I'd rather this pain was in me rather than see you suffer". "Romantic" is a husband going home early after work instead of socialising with friends because he wants to spend time with his wife. "Romantic" is a wife sending random txts messages saying "I Love You". "Romantic" is a husband getting a hot water bottle for his wife when she suffers from her monthly cramps. It's helping your husband/wife finish his/her work so you can spend quality time together once the work is done. It is ANYTHING that shows that you love your spouse and care for him/her. If we have this attitude rather than the one restricted to flowers and chocolate etc, we'd be be much more appreciative of our spouse and the romantic things they do which go unnoticed by us because we're too hung up on the fact that "it's been ages since he bought me Lindor" or "I can't remember the last time he said sweet mushy things to me" or "He's never bought me flowers!"

The only thing worse than getting married for the wrong reason is ending a marriage for the wrong reason.