Falling out of love

This is my theory: when you really love someone and you give them your all, if for whatever reason you have to stop loving them - be it divorce, or they break your heart, or whatever - a part of you has left you forever. A part of you remains with the person you loved and cannot be retrieved again. As a result you're never the same person again. I've seen this first hand with people so if this sounds soppy or "romantic" (it probably sounds a bit depressing actually) then I welcome alternative theories. What happens when you fall out of love?

Adab/iman

"Adab is like a land with fortresses: the first one (fortress) made of gold, the second of silver, the third of iron, the fourth of baked clay, and the fifth with normal brick. If the fifth is defended properly, the enemies will not get it but if they become lazy and neglectful, they'll break into the first, and then to the second and then to the third until they destroy the lot. Likewise, imaan is five fortresses: the first is yaqeen, the second is ikhlaas, the third fulfilling the obligations, the fourth is fulfilling the sunan and the fifth is the preservation of the adaab. As long as the fifth is preserved and focused upon, Shaytan will never get in but if he leaves adab then the Shaytan will start to devour his sunan then his fara'id and then his ikhlaas and then finally his yaqeen."


Thus the salaf used to say. Many of us know that having good adab is important but few of us have little idea of the relationship between adab and other facets of imaan, and the importance of adab in fortifying our imaan. I think this statement of the salaf sums it up in a very concise manner. That becoming lax in our adab is the door to weakening in our 'ibadaat and internal aspects of imaan is a concept I certainly wasn't familiar with. Perhaps that is why the salaf likened adab to the weakest fortress, because people don't generally give it it's due significance therefore neglecting to guard, maintain, and strengthen it. Many a time we delude ourselves with our acts of worship, thinking them to be sufficient for our salvation, for ourselves to be qualified to be called "a good pious person". Perhaps that is the reasoning of those of us practising brothers and sisters who mistreat others. But if the above gem is anything to go by then no doubt our 'ibadah if not our ikhlaas and yaqeen is suffering if good adab is non-existent in us. And, if we preserve and strengthen the Adab Fortress, no doubt this will preserve and strengthen our 'ibadah and imaan insha'Allah.

It snowed a bit today. Wicked.

I got caught speeding.

Only 44mph on a 30mph road. It was after 9pm, raining, non-residential area, new camera so it caught me without warning. Bloody extortionists... Good thing I wasn't doing my usual 55-60mph...

Niqab-haters

Vexed guy (white, middle-aged, casual dress, looks like a scally) walks past me from opposite direction then back to me: "Excuse me, can I ask you a question?"


Me: "Yeah sure."


Coming right up to me: "Can I see your face?"


Me: "What? No."


Idiot, more vexed: "Why not?"


Me: "What's your problem?"


Idiot, shouting now, wild gestures, people looking our way: "You can see my face, why can't I see your f***ing face?!"


Me, getting worried that he's close enough and angry enough to snatch my niqab off walk away.



Idiot carries on ranting but I can only make out "...dress properly!"



I come home and tell my brother about it and he loses it with me demanding why I didn't call him straight away. Although I was annoyed by this incident and admittedly quite shaken because I thought he could snatch my niqab off, I didn't think it's anything to start riots over but my brother thought *&^%$#* like that need to be taught a lesson otherwise Muslim women won't be safe to walk around without being harrassed. My thinking is: women in niqab obviously provoke certain people, maybe a lot of people. For this idiot, for some reason, the mere sight of me was enough to make him rave. But I think as Muslims who are obviously Muslim just by appearance have to expect these kind of reactions from people. To expect otherwise is unrealistic. It's not nice but I'm sure it's normal. I'm interested to hear what kind of comments/reactions you guys get from the public to prove/disprove my theory that my brother overreacted and what happened yesterday was irritating but kind of normal.

I'm thinking of closing this blog. I might post my adab notes (about the only useful purpose to the blog) on someone else's (more beneficial blog) or just keep them to myself.

Adab al Mufrad Notes (8)

Hadith/athar: Ibn Umar said: "if someone fears his Lord and maintains his ties of kinship, his term of life will be prolonged, he will have abundant wealth and his people will love him."

As above with a different isnad.

Example of Bukhari-tronics – chapter title ("Allah Loves the One Who Maintains His Ties Of Kinship") doesn’t correspond with hadiths, they don’t say anything about Allah loving the person. Some imams refer to hadith where Allah says He loves so and so, then telling Jibreel to that person who tells the inhabitants of the heavens and earth to love that person. Hence we know the only way people will love a person in this way is when Allah loves him.

First narration has tadlees, but second one does not thus strengthening first. Hadtih can be reported in different ways, some ways "stronger" than others. Haddathanee (he narrated to me), akhbarnee (he informed me), qaal (he said), sami’nee (I heard) imply strength just from their wording. ‘An (on the authority of) is lesser in strength as it denotes hearing either in person or through another reporter therefore further study is required. Tadlees of 3 types:
- Tadlees al isnad. The reporter says "on the authority of" someone who he didn’t actually relate the hadith to him or from someone he didn’t actually meet which creates the impression he actually heard it from him in person.
- Tadlees ash-shuyukh. The reporter doesn’t refer to the person he heard it from by name, uses a less well-known name.
- Tadlees at-taswiyyah. Reporter misses out the weaker link before him and refers directly to the stronger link preceding the weaker link to make the chain look strong. Worst kind of tadlees. Shu'bah said, "Tadlis is the brother of lying" and "To commit adultery is more favourable to me than to report by way of Tadlis."

Athar is mauquf – doesn’t reach Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam). However we can act on it if it is marfoo’ hukman – as though Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said it. Statement shows it is impossible sahabi could say it out of own reasoning i.e. matter of ghayb.

"Fears his Lord" – taqwa often translated as fear. Word from waqa – protection, wiqayah is a shield or preservative for food. Qur'an and sunnah gives validation to linguistic definition.
Ibn Rajab al Hanbali included definition as putting something between you and the whom you are fearful of to protect you. How? By obeying Him and leaving that which displeases Him.
Surah Ra’d (13:34) – "for them will be punishment in the life of (this) world, and the punishement of the Hereafter is more severe. And they will not have from Allah any protector." Root word of taqwa has meaning of one who gives protection.

Qur'an also tells us to have taqwa of punishment, taqwa of places of punishment (grave, Hell), the One who gives punishment, the Day when punishment will be meted out. Highest form of taqwa is taqwa of Allah. Taqwa is a right of Allah. Surah Muddaththir (74:56) "…He is worthy of fear and adequate for (granting) forgiveness," and "O you who believe, fear Allah, as He should be feared, and let not yourself die save as Muslims." Surah Al Imran 3:102

Some benefits of taqwa:
- Forgives all sins
- Increases rewards
- Jannah reserved for those having taqwa
- Allah’s pleasure
- Allah supports them, is with them
- Allah doesn’t waste their deeds
- Allah makes a way out for them in their difficulties
- Allah makes his affairs easy
- Allah gives them baseerah, hidden insight
- Allah gives them furqan – criterion to judge right and wrong
- Allah gives them najwa – saves them from destruction like those of previous nations

Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) prayed, "O Allah I asked you for guidance, nobility, self-sufficiency/wealth and tuqa (from waqa)." Qur'an is guidance for the muttaqeen (surah Baqarah 2:2). Self-sufficency prevents one from depending on others. Wealth never affects people of taqwa negatively. Those it affects negatively have weak taqwa.

Two things to protect one from Hellfire – taqwa and good conduct.

Taqwa involves finding out about those things to avoid. "Ignorance is bliss" is not the attitude of the muttaqi.

Hasan al Basri "Taqwa will remain with the muttaqi as long as he keeps away from the halal fearing it may be haram." Basic level is staying away from haram, next is avoiding the doubtful matters (shubuhaat) and highest level is keeping away from some of the halal too. Muttaqis’ characteristic is he has taqwa of things people think one shouldn’t have taqwa on. Muttaqi is like someone on a path with thorns on the side to be avoided. Sufi scholars of the later generations (khalaf) divided it thus:
(1) Islam (rejecting kufr)
(2)Tauba (falls into sin and repents when he sins)
(3) Wara' (caution) (avoiding shubuhaat)
(4) Zuhd (avoiding halal)
(5) Mushahadah ("witnessing" Allah)

Very few people have these qualities hence very few muttaqeen exist unfortunately. Umar ibn Abdul Aziz: "…For those who preach about it are many, and those who actually practice it few..."

For more details esp. qur'anic/hadith references: See Here