I've heard this myself and I know a lot of wives would say this about their husbands. But what does being romantic mean? Being showered with jewellery, perfumes and other gifts? Chocolates and flowers? Scented candles? Walks along the beach? Being serenaded? I think many sisters equate the concept of romance with all or most of the above hence the complaint "he's not romantic enough". Or, some of us may be OK with him not doing the above and not being "romantic" because we too are not "romantic".
I think romance is necessary is a marriage. But I would definitely not equate the above examples with romance, otherwise let's face it, we're doomed to a marriage full of misery and disappointment or at least ungratefulness to our husband because we simply do not recognise he is romantic in his own way. For a lot of men it's difficult to express mushy emotions and gestures typically "romantic" (like the examples above) will be even more difficult to do to express their feelings because it won't come naturally to them. Now I love chocolate. And candles. Flowers are OK but I'm not too fussed about them. And hey, who doesn't like gifts in general? But I don't like them because I'm "romantic", I just like them! Some sisters don't like chocolate (it's true, weird sure but true) and would prefer fresh fruit. Hence it would be a more romantic gesture if their husband bought them fresh blueberries instead.
My point is romance isn't restricted to these material things. To me romantic is thinking of your wife/husbands needs and desires, and striving to make them happy. It's anything that shows you love them and care for them. "Romantic" is a husband agreeing to move to another city because his wife wants to complete her degree in a good university there. "Romantic" is a wife saying to her husband who is suffering from a bad fever "I'd rather this pain was in me rather than see you suffer". "Romantic" is a husband going home early after work instead of socialising with friends because he wants to spend time with his wife. "Romantic" is a wife sending random txts messages saying "I Love You". "Romantic" is a husband getting a hot water bottle for his wife when she suffers from her monthly cramps. It's helping your husband/wife finish his/her work so you can spend quality time together once the work is done. It is ANYTHING that shows that you love your spouse and care for him/her. If we have this attitude rather than the one restricted to flowers and chocolate etc, we'd be be much more appreciative of our spouse and the romantic things they do which go unnoticed by us because we're too hung up on the fact that "it's been ages since he bought me Lindor" or "I can't remember the last time he said sweet mushy things to me" or "He's never bought me flowers!"
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23 comments:
AOA Saabirah,
excellent, you just spoke my mind. It reminds of what I saw in 'This Morning' today. Fern & Phillip were talking with Simon Cowells girlfriend and asking her what was the most romantic thing he did. She said it was the time he went to dentist for his appointement and when he came back he brought her a toothbrush :)
I think too many of us sisters are too great a fan of Mills & Boons (sp?!) and we miss noticing so many little things our partners may be doing for us which show their softer side, like bringin home a toothbrush.
Sheila
i agree with you totally on this. anyone can buy flowers etc, it's a little harder to show consideration and respect on a daily basis.
i think i would a be a little insulted if someone bought me a toothbrush though :(
When I first got married my husband used to push me - (apparently affectionately or romantically) but he didn't realise his own strength - or rather my lack of it.
I'd go flying across the room and hurt myself!!!
Compliments go a long way with women!! men please do compliment your wives. Not all the time, otherwise it loses its meaning. but especially when shes mad an effort. dont let it go unrecognised! I know of a husband who was going to take his wife out but she was taking ages getting ready. He came upstairs, was about to have a right go at her, but then he just stopped and stared, then grinned ear to ear........
Its significant moments like these that keep a marriage going.
you may call it romantic, i have another name for it.....
JazakAllah khair for your comments.
Compliments, I think, go both ways. Some of us don't know how to take compliments :-). Next time your husband says or does something romantic (like I said, doesn't have to be flowers/chocolates etc), let him know how much it means to you. I think it may be off-putting to men when they compliment you and you reply with, "yeah right..."
JazaakAllaahu khairan. That was an excellent post.
cant wait to get married!
Just pray my husband will know how a husband should treat his wife. And knows how the prophet (peace be upon him) used to treat his wives! Each and every one of them!
My husband doesn't do either of these things. We've been married about 5 mths now, dating for 2 1/2 yrs. He doesn't understand how to be romantic and no matter how often I try to tell him, he just ignores me and says that I never take into consideration the things he 'does' do for me. (which is once in a month things, like if I ask him to take the kids to the park)I just can't figure out how to get through to him. HELP!
We'll I googled" he's not romantic enough' and this result came up...
I am frustrated because I had a severe allergic reaction and had to go to the emergency room, although he went with me (on sunday) he has not called, or texted or checked on me frequently... that upsets me so much, because I know that if the shoe were on the other foot, I would be there for him. I just need to be loved the way that I love him...
I do the material things, as well as the other things that you've mentioned... and yet there is no reciprocity and it truly angers me.
babybrown of mommabrown.com
The post is excellent. I too think being romantic is bringing flowers and blah blah blah. I never thought it this way. I had a fight with my husband last night. The reason- not romantic. But now I feel he cares abt me a lot and he is not a person who can bring flowers or sweets coz doing this things is not in his nature. Even all his friends know tht he is not romantic at all(if romantic means bringing chocolates , flowers etc).But he cares abt me a lot. sometimes I feel more than I do.
this was an excellent post. uv opened my eyes sister..
May Allah reward u
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